Every great piece of art carries a message. With Surf Nazis Must Die that message is very simple, if your post-apocalyptic beach community is overrun by neo nazi surfers then a berieved elderly woman will sort things out. Personally it’s not a solution I would have thought up but nevertheless it’s a solution. You’re probably waiting for me to make a reference to it being the ‘final’ solution. If that’s what you’re looking for then go look at some other site, Nerdfit is way too classy for that sort of thing.

Surf Nazis Must Die comes from a fairly respectable lineage by b-movie standards. Lloyd Kaufman’s Troma studio is responsible for a number of classics in the genre. Being a fan of Class Of Nuke ‘Em High, The Toxic Avenger and Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town I went in with certain expectations. Surf Nazis Must Die dashed most of those expectations on a rocky outcrop before fucking off to play a game of anti-semitic beach volleyball.

Surf Nazis Must Die suffers from one of the most disjointed plots that i’ve ever had the misfortune to come across. It opens with the revelation that a huge chunk of California was rendered uninhabitable by a horrific earthquake. Apparently the USA finally came to it’s senses and took the opportunity to just abandon the entire state. In the aftermath a number of surfer gangs have risen up to fill the void left by the lack of any civilised society. The film follows The Nazis and their attempts to dominate all the other gangs and take permanent control of the beach.

The leadership of The Nazis consists of Adolf, Eva and Mengele. It isn’t long before they’ve murdered a young black man and brought down the wrath of his grandmother Eleanor Washington. Eleanor escapes from the oppressive confines of her nursing home and the bulk of the film is taken up with her quest for revenge. Eleanor is pretty much the only watchable character in the entire movie. She’s a full-on badass and seeing her demand a gun powerful enough to ‘kill a honky at 20 paces’ from a terrified shopkeeper was awesome. Sadly she isn’t given nearly as much screen time as she deserves. Too much of the film focuses on the machinations of Adolf and his gang, a group of actors so woefully incapable of communicating any level of menace it’s not even funny.

As if being forced to sit through Adolf’s attempts to take control of California weren’t bad enough, we’re also treated to a worthless little subplot involving a character named Smeg. Smeg’s a rebellious young man who’s determined to join up with the Nazis and leave his boring home life behind. Needless to say this subplot reaches fresh new heights of tedium the likes of which i’ve rarely ever encountered.The only real respite the viewer ever receives from this torrential downpour of shit comes when random stock footage of surfers is spliced in to the movie. These spliced in shots coupled with the way the movie jumps between scenes give the impression that a lot more of the movie was filmed than watched. I can’t confirm it but I have the sneaking suspicion that large portions of the movie were left on the cutting room floor. Poor production values are par for the course with this sort of movie but the shockingly low quality of the editing makes the movie almost unwatchable.

Surf Nazis Must Die plays out like the bastard offspring of The Warriors and Point Break. Unfortunately it’s nowhere near as watchable as either of those movies. So there you have it, I just made an unfavourable comparison to a film with Keanu Reeves in it. If that doesn’t give you a clue as to what an unmitigated pile of horseshit this movie is then I don’t know what will. Aside from the inevitable awesomeness that arises when an elderly lady is armed with a gun and some hand grenades there’s almost nothing to recommend about this movie. Only the most hardcore of hardcore Troma fanatics should ever bother to see Surf Nazis Must Die, everyone else needs to keep the fuck off the beach.